Dear friend,
Hey. Wow it's been so long. How are you lately? I can't seem to find anything worth sharing, thus the reason for me not being able to write for so long. But there's this one thing that's been all over my mind the past few days.
You know how God makes us realize how much we don't want or need a person in our lives before we actually fall hard for them? Well, I consider myself lucky enough to experience that. I guess not everyone has that luxury. More often than not, before we know it, we already fell for someone. We think that we already love them, when in fact we don't. Just dazed and high in the idea of romantic love. We may be attracted to someone based on their looks, the way they talk, the way they make us laugh, the way they care for us. But is that really love?
I don't know if it's just me, but I think love is such a big word, and people nowadays use this word as if it is nothing. I've seen to many people come and go. You know, when you feel like your whole being just belongs to them, and there is nothing in this world that can separate you, but it will all eventually crumble down. Luckily, it was all in the past and I think that I know better now.
God was kind enough to show me what I should really see. Like this one instance, I met this guy for the first time, and I think I really like him. His radiant smile got me almost instantly. I can't help myself from obsessing about him for months. After some time, I got to be really close with him, and I saw how smart, and how much of a good person he is. After being friends with him, I really thought that I like him so much. After a while, though, God made me see how much I don't want a person like him for myself. He is a shallow dude *if you know what I mean *. Only cares about himself, does what makes him happy and doesn't care about other people's feelings. But don't get me wrong, he really is a genuinely nice person, if that makes sense. Anyway, I know you get what I mean. I really really really thank God for giving me the wisdom of not rushing into conclusions. That way I wasn't hurt, and the friendship was not affected. Now I am not stupid enough to jump into something that I am not really sure of. The same thing happened with other guys who I THOUGHT I liked.
The point is, don't rush into things. Love takes time. Don't make the mistake of having a commitment with someone that you are not sure of. There are things way beyond what you can see, it those unseen things will reveal themselves when the right time comes. Wouldn't it be nice if you save yourself for the person that perfect match God has created for you?
Love always,
Nabi
Huwebes, Abril 26 2012
Biyernes, Marso 09 2012
March 9, 2012
Dear friend,
I went to church today and I feel so blessed. It has been 8 months since I last attended a church service, and it feels so good to be back. There really is no place like home. I don't know if you wanna know the reason behind me not going to church but I'm gonna say it anyway. Well, my Dad died last July, and I was so depressed to even go to church. Church has always been a special bonding place for us, and it pains me to go there without him. It's just too sad. I even thought of not going to church anymore. Though I know my faith, I just felt so disconnected.
But I guess God really has His own way of bringing you back to Him. In the past few days, I always review with Jin at Mcdonalds, which is just across Victory U-Belt. And it got me thinking that maybe this is a sign that I should do what my Dad would want me to do. So I attended the Youth Service today, and I've never felt more alive. The feeling was almost foreign to me but so familiar at the same time. It's hard to put it into words. But I know how I feel. I feel so ecstatic. I hope that God will continue to bless me. For His love never fails.
Another thing that's been on my mind: "Even the best fall down sometimes. " This line has been stuck on my mind the whole day. Probably because of what has happened to everyone lately. Especially my friend, Jin. It makes no sense. She doesn't deserve that. Nobody deserves that. I know how it feels to be in that situation. But I guess everything happens because of a certain reason. We just don't know it yet. And when the right time comes, it will all be revealed to us.
I hope it gets better. I know it will.
Love always,
Nabi
Huwebes, Marso 08 2012
March 8, 2012
Dear friend,
The end of my freshmen year is two weeks away. I want it all to end as soon as possible, but then part of me wants to stay like this a little bit more. I don't know. I'm confused.
College life has been bothering me for quite some time. But I guess I have a bigger dilemma. A bigger problem. It's me. I am a problem.
You know when just love is not enough? Loving people won't suffice to keep them. I guess I am not the best person to be with. I have lost a whole bunch of the people that I love. I couldn't blame them, though. Mostly because it's my fault. Maybe I deserve what's happening now. Maybe I went wrong somewhere. Maybe I am the wrong friend. Maybe I did something wrong. How I wish I knew what it is.
I admit that I miss them a lot. But then again I don't expect that it would be the way that it was. Which hurts. A lot.
That's life. You know how they say that we accept the love we think we deserve? I guess that's how I am today. I won't say more because I just want you to know how I feel right now. And this is it. I just wish it could go better.
Love always,
Nabi
The end of my freshmen year is two weeks away. I want it all to end as soon as possible, but then part of me wants to stay like this a little bit more. I don't know. I'm confused.
College life has been bothering me for quite some time. But I guess I have a bigger dilemma. A bigger problem. It's me. I am a problem.
You know when just love is not enough? Loving people won't suffice to keep them. I guess I am not the best person to be with. I have lost a whole bunch of the people that I love. I couldn't blame them, though. Mostly because it's my fault. Maybe I deserve what's happening now. Maybe I went wrong somewhere. Maybe I am the wrong friend. Maybe I did something wrong. How I wish I knew what it is.
I admit that I miss them a lot. But then again I don't expect that it would be the way that it was. Which hurts. A lot.
That's life. You know how they say that we accept the love we think we deserve? I guess that's how I am today. I won't say more because I just want you to know how I feel right now. And this is it. I just wish it could go better.
Love always,
Nabi
Huwebes, Marso 01 2012
March 1, 2012
Dear friend,
It's the first day of March! 29 more days to go 'til this semester is done. Freshmen year's gonna end and I like it but hate it at the same time. 29 days sounds like a long time but I know that it's gonna be so fast we won't even see it coming. I hate it because after this, 1-3 will not be my section anymore, and these people have taken their place in my heart. Why do we even have to separate when everyone's so close already? I like it because This means no more pressure from the cut-off grade and I will get to meet new friends.
However, this is day didn't really start out right. I was almost late for that NCM quiz, and there's something about my professor that I don't like. I don't know what exactly but she never fails to ruin my Thursday and Friday mornings. After that, we had a quiz in Chemistry. Bad news is I was not able to study. If you would remember from my previous letter, I chose the latter. I didn't feel bad though, because I already studied for that quiz last week. I guess I did okay... I hope.
Nothing was interesting the whole day. Not until the last subject, English, until late in the evening. In our English class, our classmates discussed the selection Footnote to the Youth. It was basically about a young farmer, Dodong, who asked his father if he could marry the girl he loves event hough he is just 17. The father allowed him to because the father experienced the same thing when he was young. After some time, Dodong and his wife had a lot of children and they became very poor. They were starting to regret their decision of getting married at a very young age and they were thinking how their life might have turned out if they were married to another person or if they got married at the right time. Eventually, their eldest son, Blas, asked Dodong if he could marry his girlfriend. Dodong, even if he knew how things would turn out, still allowed his son to get married. Why? Because he knew how it feels to be in his son's shoes. He knows how it feels to be so younf and impulsive. He also knew that if he would say no, Blas would still fight for what he wants. Although he wanted to stop his son from doing the same mistake all over again, he still couldn't do anything about it. The youth must triumph, love must triumph, but after that, it would be life. That one line made me think of that Taylor Swift song that goes like "...life makes love look hard." I couldn't relate myself to the story that much, but still, a part of me says that I do. Which is weird because I don't even have boyfriend and marriage is not on my plans yet.
This selection makes me so sad. It made me think that in the real life, just love wouldn't be enough. And just imagine what a disaster it would be if you will put together youth and love. Yes, Taylor, you are right. Life makes love look hard. And the sad thing about it is how people wouldn't even fight for the love that they have chosen. Like when you're in love, you do things that you are not really sure about, and you're not even thinking about the consequences that will come with it. After some time, you will realize that there are things much more important that just being in love. When things go bad, you will forget about the love you once had and you will start thinking about the could-have-beens. But I guess that is just life. Shit happens. And it will be too late when you finally realize what you have done with your life.
I don't know if I am lucky or not that I really don't have that "youthfulness" in me. I seldom fight for things that i want. When I am confused, I ask myself to deal with matters as maturely as possible. I do what I think is right, not what I want. And by the way, I am a very futuristic person, and I think about the future too much that I tend to lose focus on the present. Which leads me to not "loving" other people. I don't know. Maybe I should work on this?
Enough of the drama. Anyway, my friend CJ, bought us dinner because it was his birthday 2 days ago. I must say that he really looks good now. Or better if that is more accurate. It's been a long time since my last hangout with him, but he is still the same guy, only with better dancing styles. They are champions of this dance battle sponsored by the IPEA so I guess it means twice the reason why he should buy us dinner! I didn't get to watch him, though, and I really feel bad about it. Fuck my schedule. And can I just say that someone on our table just called me "fat"? I will not say the name, but just so you know, my self-esteem is 8 feet below the ground right now. After dinner, I played ROCKBAND with Jin, Gio, Makoto, and Arthur. I know that today is a school day but it was more of a spontaneous thing. So just go with the flow. To make it up with playing Rockband on a shool day, I studied for our Anatomy and Physiology class with Jin at Mcdo. It was productive because I finished studying the blood, so my only problem now is the topic about blood vessels. That was pretty much it.
By the way, I got a new nickname today! It's "Nabigator". My new friend, Mako, called me that when I was about to go home. I like how it sounds!
And just this morning I realized that aside from being a doctor, I want to be a writer. I will tell you more about it next time.
Love always,
Nabi
It's the first day of March! 29 more days to go 'til this semester is done. Freshmen year's gonna end and I like it but hate it at the same time. 29 days sounds like a long time but I know that it's gonna be so fast we won't even see it coming. I hate it because after this, 1-3 will not be my section anymore, and these people have taken their place in my heart. Why do we even have to separate when everyone's so close already? I like it because This means no more pressure from the cut-off grade and I will get to meet new friends.
However, this is day didn't really start out right. I was almost late for that NCM quiz, and there's something about my professor that I don't like. I don't know what exactly but she never fails to ruin my Thursday and Friday mornings. After that, we had a quiz in Chemistry. Bad news is I was not able to study. If you would remember from my previous letter, I chose the latter. I didn't feel bad though, because I already studied for that quiz last week. I guess I did okay... I hope.
Nothing was interesting the whole day. Not until the last subject, English, until late in the evening. In our English class, our classmates discussed the selection Footnote to the Youth. It was basically about a young farmer, Dodong, who asked his father if he could marry the girl he loves event hough he is just 17. The father allowed him to because the father experienced the same thing when he was young. After some time, Dodong and his wife had a lot of children and they became very poor. They were starting to regret their decision of getting married at a very young age and they were thinking how their life might have turned out if they were married to another person or if they got married at the right time. Eventually, their eldest son, Blas, asked Dodong if he could marry his girlfriend. Dodong, even if he knew how things would turn out, still allowed his son to get married. Why? Because he knew how it feels to be in his son's shoes. He knows how it feels to be so younf and impulsive. He also knew that if he would say no, Blas would still fight for what he wants. Although he wanted to stop his son from doing the same mistake all over again, he still couldn't do anything about it. The youth must triumph, love must triumph, but after that, it would be life. That one line made me think of that Taylor Swift song that goes like "...life makes love look hard." I couldn't relate myself to the story that much, but still, a part of me says that I do. Which is weird because I don't even have boyfriend and marriage is not on my plans yet.
This selection makes me so sad. It made me think that in the real life, just love wouldn't be enough. And just imagine what a disaster it would be if you will put together youth and love. Yes, Taylor, you are right. Life makes love look hard. And the sad thing about it is how people wouldn't even fight for the love that they have chosen. Like when you're in love, you do things that you are not really sure about, and you're not even thinking about the consequences that will come with it. After some time, you will realize that there are things much more important that just being in love. When things go bad, you will forget about the love you once had and you will start thinking about the could-have-beens. But I guess that is just life. Shit happens. And it will be too late when you finally realize what you have done with your life.
I don't know if I am lucky or not that I really don't have that "youthfulness" in me. I seldom fight for things that i want. When I am confused, I ask myself to deal with matters as maturely as possible. I do what I think is right, not what I want. And by the way, I am a very futuristic person, and I think about the future too much that I tend to lose focus on the present. Which leads me to not "loving" other people. I don't know. Maybe I should work on this?
Enough of the drama. Anyway, my friend CJ, bought us dinner because it was his birthday 2 days ago. I must say that he really looks good now. Or better if that is more accurate. It's been a long time since my last hangout with him, but he is still the same guy, only with better dancing styles. They are champions of this dance battle sponsored by the IPEA so I guess it means twice the reason why he should buy us dinner! I didn't get to watch him, though, and I really feel bad about it. Fuck my schedule. And can I just say that someone on our table just called me "fat"? I will not say the name, but just so you know, my self-esteem is 8 feet below the ground right now. After dinner, I played ROCKBAND with Jin, Gio, Makoto, and Arthur. I know that today is a school day but it was more of a spontaneous thing. So just go with the flow. To make it up with playing Rockband on a shool day, I studied for our Anatomy and Physiology class with Jin at Mcdo. It was productive because I finished studying the blood, so my only problem now is the topic about blood vessels. That was pretty much it.
By the way, I got a new nickname today! It's "Nabigator". My new friend, Mako, called me that when I was about to go home. I like how it sounds!
And just this morning I realized that aside from being a doctor, I want to be a writer. I will tell you more about it next time.
Love always,
Nabi
Miyerkules, Pebrero 29 2012
February 29, 2012
Dear friend,
Hi there. It's nice to know that there is someone reading this right now. If you are reading this, then I thank you from the bottom of my heart. To tell you honestly, I created this blog because I was inspired by the book The Perks of Being A Wallflower. I envied Charlie because at least, while he was struggling through things, there was one person who listened to him even if he didn't know him personally.
I really liked the idea of being able to tell someone how you really feel about something or someone in a particular moment of your life. After I've read the book, I realized that maybe this is just exactly what I need in my life right now. Someone who will be willing to listen to me and not judge me. Someone who would just understand.
Right now, I don't really know what to tell you yet. All I know is that my mind pounds so much I feel like my brain is going to jump out of my skull. No joke, by the way. That is really how it feels right now. I have two quizzes for tomorrow and I am still deciding whether I should study or not. It's confusing 'cause part of me wants to study and get high grades for the finals, but still another part of me says that I should just sleep and just let destiny determine my fate.
As you see, today is February 29, a day that comes only once in four years. I expected that something nice would happen today but today seemed so -- neutral. It wasn't so bad yet it wasn't so good either. Sometimes I think I am weird because I would rather want my day to go so bad that I would almost cry instead of it being just dull. It makes me feel less alive.
This is my first letter for you, my friend. I will keep on writing for you, so I hope you don't mind.
Love always,
Nabi
Hi there. It's nice to know that there is someone reading this right now. If you are reading this, then I thank you from the bottom of my heart. To tell you honestly, I created this blog because I was inspired by the book The Perks of Being A Wallflower. I envied Charlie because at least, while he was struggling through things, there was one person who listened to him even if he didn't know him personally.
I really liked the idea of being able to tell someone how you really feel about something or someone in a particular moment of your life. After I've read the book, I realized that maybe this is just exactly what I need in my life right now. Someone who will be willing to listen to me and not judge me. Someone who would just understand.
Right now, I don't really know what to tell you yet. All I know is that my mind pounds so much I feel like my brain is going to jump out of my skull. No joke, by the way. That is really how it feels right now. I have two quizzes for tomorrow and I am still deciding whether I should study or not. It's confusing 'cause part of me wants to study and get high grades for the finals, but still another part of me says that I should just sleep and just let destiny determine my fate.
As you see, today is February 29, a day that comes only once in four years. I expected that something nice would happen today but today seemed so -- neutral. It wasn't so bad yet it wasn't so good either. Sometimes I think I am weird because I would rather want my day to go so bad that I would almost cry instead of it being just dull. It makes me feel less alive.
This is my first letter for you, my friend. I will keep on writing for you, so I hope you don't mind.
Love always,
Nabi
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